I declare "I am a highly sensitive person...." Oh so THAT's what's wrong with me.
According to the author Elaine N Aron (Ph.D) I shouldn't view it that way - as something wrong with me. According to her sources over 20% of the American population is classified as a Highly Senstive Person. Pity I live in New Zealand. Where the culture here is to deal with any kind of upset with a good ole' pat on the back and a "harden up". Although I must say that culture is slowly changing. At moment the Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand is running a series of television commercials fronted with one of the most blokiest of blokes "John Kirwan". One of the nations heros - a retired All Black, he suffered from depression and the foundation is utilising his celebrity to try and change the mentality that so many New Zealanonians have towards mental health issues.According to Elaine, society normally labels us HSP (that's an acronym for Highly Sensitive Person) peeps as "introverted" or "shy" or "timid" but this kind of label is unhelpful and more than a little inaccurate. HSP's can also be extraverted. It's just that when we approach a situation, we go into our past experiences, like entering a library and look through the collections of book to choose from, we go into our memories of experiences seeking out one similar to this present one. and If the one we find happens to be a bad experience then we're likely to have a bit of a shut down or "shyness" attack. We can withdraw, staying in our rooms, feigning sickness to avoid going through a potentially negative experience again. (as I type this in my sick bed at home - enjoying not being at work)
HSP's have a tendency to look at all the possible outcomes, worse case scenario-ing - and I know myself that I do that! My role at work is HR - and it's the beginning of a new financial year - JOY! It is always and I mean ALWAYS a stressful time for me as the line managers literally queue up at my door wanting, no scratch that, NEEDING advice on how to restructure and either cut someone's hours back drastically or *cringe* remove their jobs altogether! All in the name of a having a break-even budget. For most HR practitioners this would be a walk in the park, in fact I know some that actually enjoy this type of work, but for me: a HSP I just dread it! I feel completely tongue-tied, nervous, anxious and even breathless sometimes thinking of the emotionally draining experience I'm about to embark on. Ek! So I often talk the managers out of it - much to the despair of the Financial Controller and CEO!
I was at a conference in the States earlier this year when Cheryl Richardson spoke of Sensitivity being a gift to be treasured... a concept that completely blew my mind. This is a part of me that I absolutely despise! I have wanted for years to pluck up the courage to ask my GP for some kind of drug to dull the part of me that so easily bubbles into tears, that senses everyone's moods, that feels other people's pain. The part of me that hates having to tell someone that they're not performing, and hates having to work with people that are rambunctious and bolshy - people that aren't afraid to speak their minds, even when it upsets others. Only because for me, a HSP, I wouldn't dream of it. I wouldn't want to have the negative vibes or feedback from people so I often do not express my point of view. I used to - and I would often end up in tears when trying to defend my point of view because of my sensitivity.
Now I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but seriously!?!?!
I would think to myself "All you Cheryl Richardsons, and Elaine Arons WTF? This part of me holds me back from living sooo much - how dare you both say that it's a GIFT!!!!" however knowing that I would never actually do that, or say that I took the time to research it a bit.
I found out...
- That it helps me to be able to read people's moods and personality (something that has been very helpful in my line of work)
- That I can see and appreciate beauty in things and places that the non-HSP may not
- That I can be kind and compassionate because of my sensitivity.
- That it can help me feel connected to nature.
So some tips that I've discovered to help protect my sensitive nature are:
1. That I need to stay in the present moment - I need to focus on what I'm doing when I'm doing it. I need to avoid ruminating about past or future situations.
2. Have things the way that I like them - avoid loud noise, bright lights and social situations that make me awkward - and stop "shoulding" on myself - I'm terribly good at making myself go to things because "I Should". And I'm even better at not going and then telling myself that "I Should have gone" Having things the way that I like to is not always doable in a family of five - my older (and very messy) sister lives with us and my husband dominates the television remote.
3. Avoid watching the News and any violent movies or television programmes. So I very rarely watch these things these days and as a result completely missed the Australian prime minister's ousting by his own party! A small price to pay!
4. Cull the toxic people right out of my life - well as Cheryl Richardson puts it "Put limits on toxic people. I have been practising this for the good part of the last 8 years and it's really good. I have a really good circle of friends at the moment that I love. We do very positive and uplifting things together and it is truly food for the sensitive soul!
Some say gift, some say curse - it's hard to know who to back but at least now I've got some tools in my toolkit for managing this blessing in disguise!
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